Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
