I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
