best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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