i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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