I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
