i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
