You're so nebulous sometimes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
