My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she woke up with a sticky ear
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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