I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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