Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
