My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
