I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
