holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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