i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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