Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
