I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
