I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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