dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
