Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
4 words: hood of his car
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
