goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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