No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need to calm my uterus...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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