Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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