One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
