PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
