How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
