Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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