I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
