I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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