my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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