Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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