Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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