I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
