Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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