I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
