3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i came on her dog
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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