worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize