quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
