I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
