So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
