she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
third nipple confirmed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
