Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
