fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
