Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize