Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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