Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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