Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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