I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
