he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
