we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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