Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
