at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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