see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
