Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
