So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
