just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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