Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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