You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
