just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
