I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
