I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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