Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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