the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
