Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize