Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
