bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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