watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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