I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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