i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
