worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
