Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
