just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
