i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
