he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
