Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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