Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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